pasta sisters forever

some more of my favorites from last weekend

2010-01-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

2009-10-25T16:15:00.002-05:00

Earlier in September, I talked to students about various ways of brainstorming, including the web. This semester, I asked them to consider their "fierce attachments" as they would follow this research the entire semester, and I demonstrated with many of my own. You're there, you see.

back in time

2009-07-08T22:06:00.002-05:00

Wow. It's strange that these pictures were indicative of a better camera. My standards are so much higher now; I feel guilty I captured this night so poorly. And at the time, I was excited!

christian's first birthday (party)

2009-06-28T15:41:00.021-05:00

There are a few photos from yesterday I decided to not put on my own blog (I'm trying to do fewer pictures there, not be so overwhelming, etc.), and I thought you might enjoy them as well! I also thought it was easier for you to save the photos on blogs as opposed to Flickr? I'll have a C's first birthday set on Flickr too. (I feel like these should be a guest post on the Christian blog!)

xo
Molly

I touch you!

2009-06-01T21:35:00.001-05:00

(it's the pirate look)

2009-06-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

2009-03-15T02:50:00.002-05:00

Baby's first poetry reading.

outtakes

2009-01-02T00:58:00.004-06:00

Outtakes from this collection of Christian pictures. I call this one the "goofy face" edition.

(easier than attachments)

2008-11-11T19:25:00.004-06:00

Trick or Treat?

2008-11-01T14:03:00.002-05:00

2008-09-01T19:05:00.001-05:00

Let's Plan a sleepover...

2008-08-19T00:16:00.000-05:00

I'm in!

xo

Want to go to the state fair on Sunday? Pretty Please....

2008-08-18T20:30:00.000-05:00

Two Peas...

2008-08-17T13:51:00.003-05:00

I found this picture while organizing. It's from your Wedding Rehearsal! Hee hee!

2008-08-11T17:13:00.003-05:00

Thanks for being there for me, darling. xo

Happy Anniversary!!

2008-08-11T16:08:00.001-05:00

i'm off seeing the world

2008-07-15T20:54:00.001-05:00

Arg, I feel like I'm missing out on so much! Good thing the poetry retreat was refreshing and energizing. Otherwise, I'd be cranky.

Let me finish my first draft of my M.Ed thesis and as a reward, I will get to see Christian again.

What are you doing this weekend?

xo

We Miss You!

2008-07-11T09:32:00.002-05:00

....visit soon...please

Sunday

2008-06-24T20:19:00.002-05:00

For future reference:

- I wrote about his birth here.
- I made a photo series about his birth here.
- The complete photos of the first 24 hours is here.
- And another photo set will always grow with Christian here.

And from my heart: I love him. And I love you. And I'm so glad to be a part of the family.

xo.

the polaroid that will be with me always

2008-06-18T13:49:00.003-05:00

There exists, somewhere, a Polaroid of my mother, our age, pregnant with me, and she looks so happy. I really wanted a Polaroid of you, so pregnant, happy. I love your expression here: you look so Kelly.

I wrote a little blog post to Iago this morning.

Missing you.

xo

PS: We've had this blog for a year. :)

Does Leap Year Count?

2008-06-16T11:52:00.002-05:00

My due date is June 27, but it was a Leap Year. So does that extra day mean I'm due June 26?

2008-06-10T20:42:00.001-05:00

In One Month...

2008-05-27T12:28:00.001-05:00

...I will be a mother
...you will be an Aunt
...a new life will begin
...a new adventure will start
...we will be blessed

two months, minus a day

2008-04-28T20:30:00.004-05:00

Check out all these gorgeous original photographs by some really talented photographers here:

1. cuddle, 2. napping, 3. Marisa, 4. Sophia, 5. 12 weeks old, 6. Hayley Three, 7. sleepy., 8. "my new hat rocks! yeah baby!!": ZED 69.365, 9. Room With a View, 10. Untitled, 11. painter, 12. hello big ocean

I can't wait for the chance to photograph your little one.

I made a new photoset: kelly as mama.

2008-04-16T19:36:00.002-05:00

I keep finding evidence of beauty everywhere.

Speaking of beauty, when do I get to see your belly again?

Part of your shower present came today. I am wiggling with anticipation and nerves.

Face the future head strong and free

2008-04-11T19:04:00.003-05:00

I feel like we are both facing the same thing: the unknown. You: the great MFA adventure. Me: the birth of my child.
Both are new and exciting and a little scary. Okay, a lot scary.
But we'll get through it. And we'll be better people because of it. And we'll do it together

this world is so quiet

2008-04-10T19:42:00.002-05:00

Teaching has been chaotic recently. The kids are anxious, tired of being trapped indoors, tired of the shape of their desks. And I've felt quiet lately. I love the days that are spent beneath a blanket, the weight of a good book in my hands. And I love the quiet walks with the dogs, the way the world has begun to reveal its colors slowly.

I am thinking so much about this summer and how good it will be for me. I don't know what the MFA program will bring to me, but I do know I don't want to lose my sense of self outside the university. I have a habit of throwing myself into passionate pursuits and letting all else fall away, stripped to the most essential bits. Remember when I first taught? I couldn't stop talking about lesson plans and differentiation and classroom tidbits. Will it be all poetry all the time? I can't say I mind this, but I'd hate to return to that alienating behavior that is all too typical of a new endeavor. All I could think about were MFA programs this late winter--who was taking whom, when I would find out, etc. It's over now, and instead of relief, I find myself calm inside. Like all the anxiety vanished instead of dissipated... Poof. Like it never happened. No sense of mourning or moving on.

Anyway, my point is that I'm grateful I'll be able to spend so much time with your son before I start school. Life has a way of getting chaotic, and we need to bask in these opportunities when we can.

Oo La La

2008-04-03T12:44:00.000-05:00

Vitamin C Fights Scurvy

2008-04-03T12:35:00.002-05:00

There is an on going joke about scurvy at work. I had various pop and juices on a cart waiting to go up to a meeting. A friend at work wanted an orange juice, but I couldn't let him have one. He said he was going to get scurvy.

Now everything is about scurvy. He even printed out the warning signs of scurvy for me and posted them on my desk. It's quite amusing.

And I love pirates.

2008-03-31T21:31:00.002-05:00

things i want to remember from this day

2008-03-31T20:09:00.003-05:00

- We had an early release because of snow. Thick clumps.
- I took a four hour nap (they keep getting longer). In it, I had a series of nightmares, one of which involved Richard, saying he thought I wasn't a good friend for you, saying I was fat, why did I think everyone was staring at me, etc. Saying he hated me, and I confronted you about this, and you gave me the doe-eyed look that it was true, and I was furious--you hadn't defended me. I told you I couldn't be your friend any more. It was terrible, felt so real. I think part of it is that I'm worried about this summer--I don't want to overstep and get in yours and Richard's way of becoming new parents, which I totally don't intend to do. I'll hide out in the basement and read, wander upstairs when you want to sleep. :) This summer is precious for the two of you, and I want to be helpful. Certainly I know you'll tell me when to get out of your hair, when you need me most.
- I also dreamed about being on a kind of set of Oz, only we were on a cruise ship. And I had to keep getting into these pools, a progression, as I made my way to the end--each pool would shoot me up and into the next, and someone was at the end, with a gun, shooting someone else, but I was afraid. I had to crawl up through a tube made of dark canvas, try to get out of there without being noticed and shot for having seen the shooter.
- When I received this email above, I was eating a granola bar. I wanted to yell, but my mouth as stiff with peanut butter. I wanted to call you immediately (and I did, nearly, just after lunch). I wanted to do a dance. Drink a glass of pomegranate and vodka.
- Minka singing again, the double over, strange since last December.

I'm in and I'm going. The dream is coming true. Please, come pinch me. (And I can watch your belly dance.)

change of scenery

2008-03-26T19:16:00.002-05:00

As a best friend, I will say this: Congratulations! How wonderful for you to have that vote of encouragement from your job! And I know you've been needing a change of scenery, and I think Richard is willing to support you and to shift as well.

As a best friend, I will also say: You need to do what is best for you, what is best for your family.

And as a person who is completely selfish, I will say: DON'T GO! You can't leave me! I was just bemoaning to Ryan about you live too far away as it is, and we needed to find some way to get you two to move down here. (That way, little Iago can really have me as a teacher.)

And as a person who is completely selfish, I will say: The housing in and around Chicago is insanely expensive, and do you really want Iago to be raised there? I mean, Illinois? Really? Just talk to Ryan about how wonderful childhood in Illinois can be... You just can't take little Iago away from his aunt.

But the truth is, I will support you no matter what you decide. Shifting options, whatnot. I had applied to all those schools, FSU and Emerson and all else, not because I thought I would ever go, but because I wanted to know if I could. Then the option presented itself and my mind roiled. Just as maybe yours is now. Temptation.

I hope you stay though. Or move here. I'm selfish like that.

Changes are A-Commin'

2008-03-26T12:01:00.002-05:00

I have a nasty head cold. And my only relief is Sudafed which I have to take sparingly (so it gets me through the sleeping hours). That means all day I have a congested nose, sinus pressure, clogged ears, a red, red nose (The help desk guys were trying to give me a reindeer nickname), and a wonky state of mind.
I will never take DayQuil for granted again.
Oh- and all this nose blowing has given me a chapped nose and two bloody noses. Joy!

My boss called me today. He asked me to reconsider moving to Chicago (he had mentioned it months ago, but I declined). He offered me a job as an Operations Manager (basically his job). He needs help since he has doubled his clientele and IST has given him clearance to hire another Operations Manager.
I mentioned the big issue: selling our house (we lost almost 10K on it). He said the salary would be worth it. I checked what the position pays: $45K - $250K. Since its Chicago, its going to be close to $60,000/year.
There are so many things to consider:
1. Richard - he has expressed interest in moving there, but can he transfer or find a new job
2. How much can we sell our house for (we don't want to lose money)
3. The baby. Daycare.
4. You. I vowed never to move away from you again
5. Richard's family. His mom freaked out the last time Richard brought it up.

Yikes.

2008-03-24T21:05:00.002-05:00

Thanks for the trip, lady.

2008-03-18T07:41:00.006-05:00

The doggies love your belly almost as much as I do. :)

2008-03-07T21:47:00.001-06:00

Three months and 11 pounds later, my belly has swelled. Sometimes it feels like a torpedo protruding from mid section. I find myself bumping things with my stomach.
I can't wait until you lay your hand on my belly and feel my fiesty baby kick! He kicks all the time now.

2008-02-26T15:20:00.003-06:00

Here you are, New Year's Day. Your belly is so big now, and I haven't even seen it yet. (What are you doing this weekend?) I had a dream last night that your belly was slim but strutting outward, like a torpedo. It was frightening and hideous; it reminded me of those 40's images of women's breasts, as if they could shoot straight out and give a dull jab to anyone meeting them. I need to see your new belly so I can erase the memory of this dream. Plus, I want to practice breathing like a huffy whale with you.

The Big Easy

2008-02-12T13:11:00.000-06:00

Here we come!

stars in the snow just for you

2008-02-05T19:36:00.001-06:00

Are you feeling better yet?

2008-02-05T12:04:00.000-06:00

I miss you...

2008-01-28T12:16:00.000-06:00

I don't think you should be allowed to leave for this long of a period. I haven't spoken to you in over a week! I can't take it. You need to come back. I'm having Molly withdrawal.

your wedding + mine

2008-01-18T19:43:00.001-06:00

you are my rock

2008-01-12T17:44:00.001-06:00

You are my i-i-i-i-sland.

Thank you for coming last night.

xox

2008-01-05T14:13:00.000-06:00

Auntie Molly

2007-12-19T20:32:00.001-06:00

I had never taken a pregnancy test. And so I took two, just in case I somehow screwed up the whole peeing on the stick part. And both times a second faint pink line appeared.
I was pregnant.
It was so hard to keep this from you. Of course you would be one of the first to know, but I didn't want to share this huge, wonderful, life altering news over the phone or email. It had to be done in person. It had to be done right.
For almost three weeks, I held back, keeping the words at the tip of my tongue but never letting them spill over.
I wanted to share with you, spill my guts, and speak words that only two women as close as us would comprehend.
But I kept my secret until the weekend after your birthday.
And I haven't shut my mouth or stopped writing ever since.

These are the beautiful flowers you sent me. Pink Gerber Daises. My favorite. I wish they would have lived forever.

Let's do it!

2007-12-13T13:15:00.000-06:00

I'm up for either one!

Have you ever been to Austin? It's been a while (15 years at least). My cousins live their (one of their wives is due in January!) My grandparents will be there in the beginning of February to welcome the baby.

It would be nice to visit them and your sister.

I think New Orleans would be fun though. We've both never been there and I've always wanted to go there. Plus I've been meaning to visit Amy for last 5 years (missed the whole visiting DC thing. She was there for 4 years.).

Let's figure out our available weekends. And then we can talk to Amy or Chelsea (depending on what we decide).

YEAH!

my vote

2007-12-13T09:37:00.000-06:00

We can also go to Austin, Texas, to visit my sister. She absolutely loves the city, so I trust it would be a fun place to go. But I've always wanted to go to New Orleans, and with the way Amy moves, I don't know when we'd have another chance. :)

Travels

2007-12-12T12:35:00.000-06:00

I'm going to talk to my doctor about traveling in January or February.

Let's pick a destination!

Here are my suggestions (or what I can offer):

New Orleans (we can stay with Amy)
Memphis, TN (we can stay with grandparents)
Pound, VA (in the mountains) (I have many relatives we could stay with)

This is the one time I wish my sister still lived in Albuquerque. That would have been fun.

2007-11-29T20:42:00.000-06:00

Changes

2007-11-14T13:06:00.000-06:00

You and I have experienced so much together. A lot happens from 12 years old until our now ripe age of 28. And more changes are coming....
We're growing up.
I am so thankful I had you to go through life with.
Puberty, 7th grade, first boyfriends, first kisses, college, painful losses, terrible breakups, wonderful weddings, and countless birthdays. It wouldn't have been as much fun without you. Nor do I think I would have survived my mid twenties. (Thank you for being there through saddness and illness).
Love you Molly!

PSF!

Tomorrow!!!!!

2007-11-09T12:24:00.000-06:00

I am so excited. Tomorrow I get to see you. It feels like its been FOREVER since we hung out. And it has-my birthday was the last time. Over a month ago! I hate when our lives get messy and tangled, and the distance between us seems so far. But in reality we only live an hour and fifteen minutes from each other. We used to live blocks from each other and we didn't spend nearly enough time together. Then we lived a few suburbs away and we still didn't spend enough time (if it was up to me I'd see you every other day. Although we might kill one another).

And now we live an hour away. It may be several hours away at some point in our lives. When will we make time for each other then?

I am SOOOOO excited for tomorrow. I'm trying to convince Richard that he really doesn't need much sleep (he's working 3rd shift tonight) and we should leave early. I want to have some Molly time to myself. Very selfish.

My sweet Richard asked the warehouse guys if they could have his truck ready a few hours earlier than normal. That way he can leave early and be home early and then he can wake up early and we can leave for Red Wing early (Holy Run-on sentence!).

tattoo = when? :)

2007-09-23T03:23:00.000-05:00

Time

2007-09-19T13:06:00.000-05:00

I feel like I don't have any time. I'm always chasing it, trying to fit everything into a day. I've already cut my sleep down to 6.5 hours so that I can have an hour of "me time" from 10 pm - 11 pm. Any less sleep (I've tried it), I can't function.

Work. My lunch hours are finally returning to me. I could definitely have enough work to fill them. And I usually end up only taking half my lunch. There is just too much to do even with four employees to help. I have stopped coming in early at least. And I refuse to stay late (I need to see my husband some time).

The rest of my day. In the morning, while getting ready, I clean the house. Pick up clothes. Start the laundry. Wash dishes. After work, I run errands. Grocery shopping. Target shopping. Appointments. Then I race home to have dinner with Richard. We make a point of eating dinner together every night. This usually the only time I see him during the week. We watch TV and talk for an hour. Then Richard gets ready for work. I play with Logger, Elvis, and Maddy. If it's nice, Logger and I will go for a walk. After Richard leaves for work, I straighten the house, pay the bills, etc. Then I try to work out. I've been getting better at this. I've been sticking to it.

When I am at home, I rarely turn on the computer. Sometimes to update my iPod. Sometimes to look up an address. But I don't check my email. Or update my blog. Or log onto work. I associate the computer with working. And I try to stay away from it while at home.

I miss you.

We need to plan a weekend. Every weekend thus far has been booked solid (to my dismay). So we need to plan ahead. I have lost the leisure of last minute weekends.
Richard has been trying to call you. He mumbles something about my birthday when he asks if I've heard from you.

I miss you.

Do you have any weekends free?

because it's your favorite color

2007-09-17T21:14:00.000-05:00

And because you should visit soon: bluff hike, apple picking, wine tasting. Thinking of you.

missing you.

2007-09-11T16:09:00.001-05:00

What's up?

autumn

2007-08-27T22:26:00.001-05:00

Things that begin in autumn:

- Kelly and Molly (birthdays in September and November, respectively)
- Kelly and Molly's friendship
- Molly's job
- school
- which is the same as Molly's job
- cold nights (curling up in bed)
- pumpkin harvests and apple picking
- fresh notebooks fill
- the great syllabus distribution
- waking up before the sun
- welcoming weekends again (not indifferent)
- long poetic projects
- Kristin and John's wedding
- staying closer to home
- discovering a new layer to the community
- regular adventures to Otsego

We Are Lucky

2007-08-09T22:04:00.000-05:00

I take you for granted.

I never have to think twice. I never have to wonder or guess. I know you will be there, always. I know even if we have let time lapse between visits, I know you are there. I know if I falter along the way, you will be there. Through my most joyous moments and earth shattering lows, you will be there. By my side. Hand in hand. Guiding, sharing, loving. Non judging. Just there.

No matter what I may need or rather what I think I need, you always know what I need. A vast ear, a strong shoulder, a faithful heart, a strong soul.

I take you for granted.

You have always been there to pull me out of the shadows. Always there to share in the laughter. Always there. No matter what. No matter when.

I know you will always be where I need you. And you always know when I need you.

I take you for granted.

I love Richard with all my heart and then some. But you, you will always be on a separate pedestal in my heart.

We are so lucky to have each other. To have only become stronger and grown closer over the last 15 years.

I take you for granted because I know we will always be together, without question, without hesitation. You are my best and greatest friend.

we can spend all night here

2007-08-01T22:18:00.000-05:00

What kind of luck can a girl have for all this love? What kind of luck can I have, not only for one of the most beautiful and solid group of girl friends rising up to support and embrace, but also for you? Oh lucky life, lucky lucky life.

And I think of these things, as we are reminded to be more grateful: I think of how much time, how much planning, how much sacrifice can go into these things. And then, how much quiet, how much is humble, how much grace.

I think of how I admire you, how I love you, how I appreciate you. How you mean the world to me, and more.

a thousand paper cranes

2007-07-25T10:34:00.001-05:00

Thank you, Kelly, for leaving little bits of you all over... for taking so much time to symbolically represent your wide net of support you have for me and him as we approach marriage. It's a lovely gift and an even better sentiment. (And you combined two of my big interests as of recent--birds and paper--what talent!)

wedding day countdown

2007-07-16T11:39:00.000-05:00

The countdown begins. Something like twenty four days? Last night, I told The Fiance that I couldn't make any more decisions. He pushed my buttons, because he thought I was being silly. I should rephrase: "I have a quota of decisions to make during the day, and mine is full, so stop asking questions." I hadn't realized just how heavy your brain can get while making all these choices, some you feel could make the difference of a happy wedding or not (so not true--who cares if I have boning in my dress or not? Um, sure, you can put orchids in the bouquet, I don't care), but it feels like... so much pressure... Wah!

My wedding to do list:

1. Set up engagement pictures (how did this go so long?)
2. Order bridesmaid gifts.
3. Order favors. (Pick favors.)
4. Rough draft of program.
5. Send in payment to chair rental people.
6. Finish DJ online forms
7. Payments: three weeks (cake, DJ, flowers, etc.)
8. Rehearsal dinner invitations.
9. Organize RSVPs
10. Start seating chart.
11. Figure out place cards
12. Etc.

Keep my head from spinning. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

And today: Happy eight years to us. Dinner. Sleep. Snuggling. :)

Sisterhood

2007-07-10T12:32:00.000-05:00

I've been debating how to start this post. Different thoughts and emotions that I haven't been able to sort out. So forgive me if this doesn't flow well....

You are the only person I would clean toilets for. And it wasn't really all that bad. At least I'm not traumatized by it. And if you let me, I'm going to clean out your fridge.

And while you have not cleaned any of my toilets, you have supported me and helped me through endless obstacles in life. From messy breakups, to self destructive depression, to helping me walk when I was too weak. I think we're even. If anything, I owe you.

Remember in 8th grade when I was selfish and actually used the phrase, "What is mine, is mine. And when I share it with you, it becomes less mine." In actuality, I didn't want to share you with them, not the other way around. I was scared you would make better friends with someone else and leave me behind.

I had lost so many friends over the years. Not really lost, but had to share them with other friends. And when you are young and in elementary school, arguments and fights happened on a daily basis over the most trivial things. And friends would pick sides. Best Friends would change almost weekly. I was tired of that. And I was afraid if you became friends with my older friends, you would be caught up in the confusing, petty turmoil of adolescence.

We never fought. We flowed together on a consistent wave of friendship, embracing both the highs and lows together, never against each other. Looking back over the past 15 years, we haven't fought much. I can name all our fights (at least the big one):

1. The fight over my selfishness with my older friends

2. "The Dark Years" when we didn't talk because we couldn't embrace our differences (approx. 1995 - 1998) This technically wasn't a fight. We were just oblivious to each other.

3. The fight when I canceled our road trip to Tennessee. And in the end, I think you'd agree, we would have killed each other. We're more like sisters than best friends.

That's all that stands out. Maybe because those are the ones I started.

I am happy to say, I've grown up. I'm more than happy to share my friends with you. I love that you and Michelle talk (and she's invited to your wedding in ONE MONTH!!). I'm happy that I was able to introduce you too. Just please don't leave me for her......

I will admit, I've been jealous of times. Emily got to see you every day. I'm lucky if our crosses pass more than once a month. And Angie gets to do fun things like camping with you (remember our canoe trip! Remember?) There are so many more from years past.

I can't experience everything with you. We'd kill each other.

I think its good that we each have other "best friends". I'm ready to share my friends with you (although I must warn you, don't play Monopoly with Michelle: she hits). And I want to meet all of yours. I can't wait to meet Emily at your bridal shower. And Angie is so quirky and full of spirit that she surprises me every time I see her. And I barely knew Mandy and Nikki in high school, but thanks to you, I get excited when I do see them.

I think we have finally realized our friendship, our bond is strong enough to share friends.

owing

2007-06-30T02:52:00.000-05:00

What amuses me most: you have cleaned... how many toilets of mine since I have moved out? To me, this is unending owing. I hate cleaning my own toilets (thank goodness for those little miracle brushes), though I do so thinking of you: shocked that you have the habit of cleaning them without special tools, without gloves. I shudder to think, and must move on, hoping I can be a bit more cleanly on my next move-out, hoping my next move-out doesn't happen for eons.

Tonight, another good friend got married. Another beautiful bride, another beautiful ceremony, and so much happiness as it all occurred... I remember as the pastor said to us: it's not just today that you need to be here for the couple, but watch them grow and help them.

I think of how many people we all have that love us, that want the best for us. I think of how fiercely I want the best for you (for Emily, for so many that I love).

And tonight, I realized: five weeks from my own wedding day.

I also thought of this: Emily's friends have been so accepting of me, so welcoming, so curious about who I am (they told me she's mentioned me a handful of times, so of course, natural curiosity). And I also think of how I am such a naturally jealous person, how your new friends have always made me mildly leery and how I began to meet people you've mentioned, realizing how wonderful they are. Think of Michelle! My goodness, I'm so glad you've introduced me to her! And Monette, such a good attendant... and I realize this: the people who have welcomed me into Emily's life have done so because I clearly love her, clearly care about her, clearly value her friendship.

And so here I am, in my own humble way, trying to do the same to you: anyone who wants to enter your life, who loves you as I think you deserve to be loved, as I think people like Michelle and Monette (and others) do, I hope I can find a way to be as good to them as I think Em's friends have been to me. Here I lay down that silly gauntlet of jealousy.

We are a jealous species, you and I. I think that means we love each other, though sometimes it's a very silly way of showing it. :)

Bumps and Bruises

2007-06-26T13:19:00.001-05:00

I have never broken a bone. I'm still in shock that you have. I've always know you were clumsy, but I never thought you would break something!

I remember that story about when you were little and in the hospital. I remember the part about the Three Billy Goats Gruff the most. Why would I choose to remember that small detail.

Moments spent at a hospital: the first time I remember being at hospital was after my Grandpa's heart attack. It was awful. He didn't look like himself with all the tubes and machines. I was at the hospital when my nephew Antonio was born. When my now brother-in-law was in a car accident and shattered his knee, I visited him in the hospital. And then there was the nose bleed...

I've never been seriously injured or sick. I've always been very healthy. I got 3 stitches in my knee when I was 10 (jumping on a Hide-a-bed). I tripped over the hitch of my dad's trailer when I was 9. My front teeth went through my bottom lip. Lots of blood and tears. But nothing more. And I am proud to say I chipped my front tooth on the slide at Hardee's at Mindy's 1st grade birthday party. I was climbing up the slide as her brother was coming down. I remember him saying, "If we took out all the woodchips, I bet we could find her tooth."

And then, New Year's 2002. 10 minutes til Midnight. Little drops of blood trickle on to the game board of the game we were playing. And then the steady of stream of blood. Out my nose. Out my mouth. Down my throat. After spending hours in the emergency room, having 2 cotton clotting devices that resembled tampons shoved up my nose (most painful experience ever), and having liquid cocaine dumped in my nose (to numb the pain), my nose finally stopped bleeding. Two days later, it started again with vengence. After another night in the emergency room, 4 more tampon thingys shoved up my nose, and no numbing agent (bleeding too much to get it in there), I was admitted to the hospital. My one and only hospital stay. I had emergency surgery to cauderize an artery in my nose. They pumped my stomach because it was full of blood. And who stayed with me during my recovery? You. You made me meals, you dispensed medication, you watched endless epidsodes of Friends, you helped me walk because I was so weak. You forced me to eat Raisin Bran because I needed iron so badly. I'll never be able to repay you for that.

If you need me to be your left hand until you heal, I WILL! Where do I sign up! But if something more serious comes our way, I'll be there to help, to guide, to listen and watch.

first break

2007-06-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

Here I am, on the first night of my long three-week stay in Green Bay, my three weeks that will get me through a theatre course, which actually, has been much more pleasant than I expected, and on the first, overly full and overly tiring day, at the end of that day, I decide to go for a walk with the dogs. My father is with me, and I have Penelope and Zephyr's leashes around my wrist (this is how I often like to walk them, so they don't slip away). And we run to catch up with my father and his two geriatric dogs (we have paused so we can get untangled, which is a frequent occurrence with my two). And it is a little wobbly on this ground, the pavement rolling with small pebbles, and there are those seconds where I can tell I'm going to fall, but I'm hoping I'll get my footing and the dogs will slow down, but this time I don't, and all of a sudden, I am toppling and my chin and chest and knees and hands are sliding along those little pebbles, road rash blooming on my skin. I don't realize it yet, but the impact of my left wrist on the pavement, catching the brunt of my fall, has fractured my left upper radial bone, cracked it at the very top, which allows for painful x-rays in an emergency room visit the next morning, but not a cast. A sling, and I avoid the pain medication as I don't want to be swimming in soupy brain waves while trying to instruct gifted and talented students, too brilliant for their own good. I must be on guard, after all, for any question I cannot answer, be prepared for their inquiry. It has only been twenty four hours and it's already been the best instructional experience I've ever had.

I've never broken a bone before. I have, however, spent some decent time in the hospital. When I was three, I had Kawasaki's, which meant I had to spend ten long days in the hospital, at one point my recovery being questioned. I was three, my tongue swelled up like a strawberry, and I had to learn to walk again. I remember my mother spending the night on an orange plastic coach and reading me Three Billy Goats Gruff. My sister spent some time in the hospital after she was in a serious car accident, which broke her leg and put her in intensive care after she had a stop-breathing reaction to the morphine. I returned again and again, at the specific times to the hospital when Yvonne was dying. And I went with Lani to the hospital when Eve was born, the only one least nervous enough to walk with her as she breathed, taking her down the hallway corridor.

The Fiance has broken several bones, has spent much time having to go to the hospital for small mishaps. His mother emailed the family, saying I've already become a K before we've even officially married. I feel ridiculous, breaking my arm in the company of the dogs, but I must emphasize: I was running and that pavement just jumped right up and bit me. I can't help my delicate elbows.

Green Bay: The City That Never Evolves

2007-06-21T16:24:00.000-05:00

Green Bay. To best describe growing up in this working class, backwards town, I will share a poem I wrote over 10 years ago for a 11th grade Language Arts class. Modeled after Carl Sandburg's "Chicago", we were given the assignment to describe our fair city.

My Ode to Green Bay

As the summer sun hits my face, the cool grass squishes between my toes

And on those blistery winter days, when the powder falls like sugar on my warm face

The carefree children run in the streets, playing their innocent games

The beat-up Dodge with the sticker on the rusting bumper reads, "I spent my Grandchildren's inheritance." A lie in its own words

And downtown, below the old decrepited buildings, the buzzing cars wiz by, shouting frustration through a horn.

The people chant in full enthusiasm, "Go Pack Go!" A sickening, stale cliche.

The smell of smog, ominous smoke, clog my lungs, suffocates my fair skin

The putrid scent of cow slaughter swells within my nostrils, and the silent screams of thousands echo in my ears.

And the tiny floating particles that invade my mouth, pollution from the filthy paper mills, choking my will to live.

City of adulteration and the past!

City of exaggerating trifles!

Green Bay.

(keep in mind, I wrote it when I was 17).

I was born and raised in this stale city. As was my father. As a teenager, I hated living in Green Bay. There was never anything to do or anywhere to go. We had to go to Appleton if we wanted anything decent. (I know we made that trip more than once in your family's caramel mini van). I hated growing up in a town that was a slave to a sport. Remember when they canceled school when The Packers won the Super Bowl?! I hated that everything was green and gold. (Even our school colors AND Ashwaubenon HS). I hated that everything was "Packerland" this. Did you know that Green Bay is now called "The City of Celebrations"? What? It should be "The City that Never Evolves".

Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be from Green Bay. I don't mind it so much anymore. I don't spend enough time there to despise it.

When you moved to Green Bay, the city glowed. Ok, I'm exaggerating. But you breathed new life into this town. You were an outsider. You were new. You were different. You had an accent!

There are so many memories of us in this town. Even during the "dark years" that we didn't acknowledge each other, there were still hints of your presence. I remember watching a video of my Kurt Cobain look-alike boyfriend's band. And you were in the crowd, looking up at the band with your big, stone blue eyes. Your little bob hair cut bouncing with the music.

I remember when we started speaking again. You passed me a notebook in the hallway. The *new* NFN? And we went to Country Kitchen (there is one in Cadott, WI). I remember you had this big, scary secret to tell me. I remember you being nervous and edgy. And when you confided in me, I laughed. I laughed loud and hard. Not in mean way, but in relief. I thought your parents were getting divorced, or dying, or you were going to boot camp. Your secret, so huge in its own right, but so insignificant to our friendship. I love you regardless of this secret. It was a shock, but it would never change or alter our bond. Nothing could do that. Nothing could shake our friendship.

Every time I pass that sad little restaurant, right off of Main, I think of that night. The night you thought would be a test of our friendship. It was no test. You showed me a side of you I had never know. I side I wanted to know.

the shape of our continent

2007-06-19T16:23:00.000-05:00

If you click on the picture, you can see it a little better (I still have a long way to go in understanding light-dark balances), but instead of picking a more clear picture, this one, for my town, makes more sense--not only is there that sort of heavenly ray, looking down on us, protecting our humble town, but you can also see Wisconsin.

I grew up in Tennessee. I spent so much of my beginning there: learning the shape of low slung mountains, enjoying the scent of dogwood, counting the ways kudzu could climb a forest. I said "y'all" naturally, and loved the way everything slowed down.

Moving to Wisconsin was the most adventurous and horrifying things I'd ever done. I didn't have a choice in the matter, true, but I think it was things like your friendship that kept me from agreeing wholeheartedly with a family falling part: yes, let's find a way to go back. Without this new love, there would be little to grasp in the land of cornfields and lowing cows.

There was a quiet period in our friendship in high school, but we both needed to be someone else, and I don't think we were to grow together then. When we came out of it, only slightly scathed, you were the first person I told my deepest high school secret to. Something that is still a secret in some circles. You were the first person I wanted to know, officially, and I loved you for that, over coffee and looking at the curved window of Country Kitchen.

(Remember that place? We don't have one in town, and I haven't seen one, or many, in Minnesota. Not an unfortunate thing, indeed.)

Here we are, somehow settled in the same state, only an hour and a half apart, which is so lucky. I could stomp my feet and wish we were closer, but even when we lived six blocks from each other, we didn't see each other enough. It's the nature of busy daily lives. And it's the nature of a friendship that would still stretch across a continent, would survive if your twelve at night was my noontime. That's just how we are.

first memories

2007-06-19T01:39:00.001-05:00

Thanks for the lovely memories. :)

This is how I remember it...

2007-06-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

I remember the first day of Seventh Grade. Soccer was the popular sport. I was decked out in head to toe Umbros. (Although I wore red and teal jeans a lot in 7th and 8th grade; And I had a few pair of Adidas shoes). I remember I wanted to fit in. I made no real lasting friends from Sixth Grade. I still had Mindy and Vicki, but I had known them since Kindergarten.

Mr Braedel. I was unfortunate enough to be Kim's little sister. My sister had him for 7th and 8th grade. I don't think he ever called me by my real name. Didn't we have him for Homeroom, English, and Social Studies?

Back to the first day of school: I remember Mr Breadel sat us alphabetical. And it just so happened that you were diagonal from me. You were the new girl. And you were different. You didn't wear makeup, you had long, long brown hair, and you had "duck boots". I remember they were green and plastic over the toes. I thought it was so weird that you wore them in September!

I honestly don't remember much about our relationship prior to your birthday party. I remember playing Truth or Dare at your birthday party. I remember Libby licking the toilet seat.

I remember the NFN. I remember when you started writing in it. And somehow you and I clicked. I'm not sure what it was. I know neither of us were as boy crazy as Anna and Jessica. (I remember Jessica tried to set me up with her boyfriend's friend. And he wouldn't be my boyfriend because I refused to make out with him the first time I met him). And Lori was really into sports, which we weren't (although I did play basketball). You and I shared an awareness for the environment and for animals (remember when we wrote to organizations about adopting an animal). I don't know what drew us together. But I know once we met, we became inseparable.

We spent every weekend with each other. Calling boys, playing computer games (Island of the Spanking Monkey!), exploring the woods, sleepovers. I remember my Dad would always order us Cheese and Onion pizza and you hated it. I remember we got to drink pop at your house but only with a straw. I remember our canoeing trip! Still one of my favorite experiences. I remember the awful parts of 7th grade too. We stood together when the boys became rude and inappropriate. Even when the Assistant principal threatened suspension, we stood together.

I had no idea when I was thirteen that I would meet my best friend for life. Even as we changed and evolved. Even as we grew a part. We were actually growing together.

first impressions

2007-06-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

So this is how we met:

I grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee and said things like "y'all," which caused evil boys in the classroom to call me a hick (even though they arrived at school with cow on their pants and I lived in a city twice the size of Green Bay that was much more culturally diverse). I didn't know anyone, but seventh grade isn't such a terrible time to move, if you fall into the right classroom. First hour: Mr. Bredel and "Calm 'er down!" and grammar books and stories from a moldy textbook. Libby and her howling like a dog, Halloween party, and then my birthday, where I invited everyone I knew, even though I didn't really know anyone.

You sat kitty corner from me, to the rear left of me. You wore red umbros a lot, I think, and adidas. Or maybe red jeans. Teal ones too. And a gold basketball necklace (which you gave to me later on, and I still have it, tucked in a beautiful wood jewelry box an ex gave me that plays a simple song).

I wore snow boots to school, because I hadn't grown up in a place where snow was something you encountered on the walk to the bus, and you still call them "duck boots," which I think is amusing. They were green and tan and a size too big and I would comp through the hallways, unashamed, though a little envious of the trendy adidas.

How long did it take before everyone else fell away? We were part of the same circle so often, with the NFN (notebook for notes) that was confiscated (and our science teacher talked to us about it, and I think now, about how official it all seemed, and now as a teacher myself, how hard it is to corner a student and explain why something was wrong) and the slumber parties and everyone else.

It's strange how clothing can change so much: from red jeans to dog collars to girlish t-shirts. And me, from duck boots to patchwork to teacher shoes. Purple hair and magazines. We always say if we met today, we probably wouldn't be friends. Who knows what sorts of things in the universe must be aligned so you can find that easy comfort with someone?

This is Fabulous!

2007-06-14T19:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Molly-

I am very excited to start this endeaver with you. It's like a diary between friends, between sisters.

It's like our notebooks, but current. I don't have to wait to see you to read your letters. We should still keep the notebooks for everything tangible that cannot be remembered in cyberspace. Plus handwriting is more personal. But I love this. I am very excited about this!

This is the only picture I have of us from my digital camera. Very sad. I have lots of just you, but not us together. We must change this.

Let's start this adventure!

Love,

KeLL

introductory

2007-06-14T15:28:00.001-05:00

Dear Kelly,

I have this idea. It has to do with long distance, collaboration, and two "sisters" converging in a new way. It has to do with embracing what is whole about us and what pieces we have that fit together. It has to do with friendship, godmothership, and wedding veils. It has to do with tattoos, giant cookie initials, and memories. It has to do with preservation and being here now. It has to do with my love for you and maybe a little some from you too.

It's just an idea, and I can delete as quick as I can make. But I thought, maybe, we could see where this takes us. A testament to friendship. (You can think of it as virtual scrapbooking, if that entices at all.)

Love,
Molly

PS: This idea is referenced here, in my own blog, if you are curious.